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Friday, 13 June 2008

I'm bringing Xanga back - drop a comment if you're with me!

Friday, 30 November 2007

i wonder...

a poem i wrote a couple months ago, but def suits how i feel right now

I wonder when that time will come.
Will it ever come at all?
Will the road ever become straight and clear,
or does it continue to wind on and on
until you feel so sick of the rapid twists and turns
you just want to keel over and die?

I wonder what I'll think in a year's time.
Is this the way to be remembered?
Was all this just part of a detour?
Just another chapter in my life,
one that's destined to come to an end?
But how do you fight when you refuse that fate?
How do you fight when the people closest to you
turn against you?
Or worse, turn their backs to you?

The lights are dimming,
sounds are muted,
and soon, there is nothing.
I stand in the dark, knowing they are watching from afar.
What do I do?
Where do I go?
I must choose a direction before my mind is consumed
by the darkness that surrounds me.
Once I choose, is there any way back?

What use are tears if no one sees them?
What use are cries if no one hears them?
What use are fights if no one understands?
What use are memories if there's no one to share them with?
Perhaps the only reason is
for self-preservation, to keep one's sanity.

Tuesday, 30 January 2007

heavy heart

i wish there was more i could do.
i thought i'd be able to fly again
but these tattered wings and my heavy heart
aren't letting me go.
i stare at the sky and hope for the day
i'll feel the wind whip through my hair
and be engulfed by the warmth of the sun again,
but i don't want to go alone.
i made a choice and took the chance
so i'm walking on the ground to see where it takes me.

Tuesday, 28 November 2006

like a rose

A rose
clipped from the garden
and taken somewhere else,
thought to thrive.
You give what the textbooks say it needs -
water, air, sunlight -
hoping it will bloom,
open its petals & show its beauty,
but no, it doesn't grow.
It wilts with each passing day,
so what do you do?
Do you watch it die, slowly & sadly?
Or do you take away the water
and dry it to preserve the beauty?
written by Ashleigh Lee

Monday, 27 November 2006

i really don't like it when my mom tries to live through me. i mean, yea, there may be some things that she regrets....but she can't control me. i listen to her, and whether i choose to follow what she says is exactly that....my choice. i hate how she lectures me. and the way she says certain things is just....weird...::sigh::...gosh i feel so guilty. i guess i've just been thinking about what one of my coworkers told me...you know how you always say how you put ur family first? well apparently in a relationship, it is a lot harder to do so...its like, without my mom really yelling at me 24/7, i feel guiltier....i miss just staying home and teasing my little brother...today i was just remembering times when he'd just come up to me and give me a random, tight hug. it would put such a big smile on my face. i feel like i havent been that good of a sister to him...especially lately. he started high school and he definitely needs help in spanish...but i swear, its like i never have any time! ::sigh:: its sad....and hard....to figure out my priorities...cuz in order to contribute more time towards one aspect of life, another has to suffer....and i really dont like it...i just dont know what i want to sacrifice....or maybe i do and i'm just too scared? i dont know....i know my mom wants the best for me, i know my dad wants the best for me...and since they've been giving me room to learn, its almost like i dont know what to do cuz no one is telling me what to do anymore. which is nice actually cuz then i can do what i want. but when theres too many things that i want to do and not enough time to do it all, i dont know what to give up. ::sigh:: i feel like i'm going in circles here...i guess staying home on saturday was a good recharger. :) maybe i should do it more often. not too often cuz then my mom's gonna try to keep me home all the time then...and that would drive me INSANE....but yea...

anyways. i am freezing my ass off right now in the deanza library...damnit i thought it'd actually be warmer in here but i guess not...oh well. this is my first blog in a while.....so yay to the resurrection of my xanga! oh yea i also changed the layout yesterday during a much needed break from studying. :) check it out! i like the song too tehehe if only i had more time to devote to more hobbies...i kinda miss spending forever on putting together a layout...hmmm yea....maybe i'll make one during christmas break! but then again, i still have a lot of xmas shopping to do....anyways, i'm gonna go now. cuz my fingers are getting so numb i can hardly feel the keyboard...i have to keep backspacing because i cant feel if i pressed down the key or not haha okie dokie this was a completely useless blog but it was a blog nonetheless :) bye bye for now!